Is Self-Care important or am I being a selfish mom?
Self-Care is sometimes a word that irritates us, Mothers. Because who has the time for that right?!
I know I don’t have the time nor the money to have pedicures every week or to always have Makeup on or to shop for the latest fashion trends.
I barely have the time or the privacy to go to the bathroom without my kids knocking on the door.
Plus, will you leave my kids and go do something for your self? what if they need you. won’t that make you a selfish mother? WRONG!
Self-care is important and it actually makes you a better parent.
Let me tell you a story.
In 2016, 3 years ago, we had just moved back to Egypt from Germany, my Girls were 6,4 and 11 months old and my husband had stayed in Germany because he had to undergo surgery.
At that time, it wasn’t planned for us to go back to Egypt so it was a surprise move. We had bought a house earlier in 2012 but our home wasn’t done yet, so we stayed in my old bedroom at my parents.
we were 4 in one bedroom, my room wasn’t big, but my parents were so kind as to build an extra bunk bed in my bedroom.
The girls went to 2 different schools, coz they were at different stages and the schools didn’t have places for them both. and since German was like their mother tongue language, we had to choose 2 german schools which were really far apart; a 1-hour ride to be exact.
I had no car at the time so my mum was again so kind as to give me her car.
and as any mother who knows that sport is a crucial part of her kid’s health, I enrolled them into swimming, ballet classes, and Tennis.
After 2 months of trying to be the perfect Mum and providing my Kids with everything, I thought they need.
It wasn’t a surprise that I failed at everything.
I was sleep-deprived, tired, stressed and always angry. I cried a lot and I couldn’t be the mother I wanted to be for my kids.
And worst of all, they were failing at school. My oldest daughter was bullied and didn’t want to tell me coz she felt I’m too tired and sad to handle her problem (how sweet, right? sometimes I swear, she’s the most caring person I know), and they were failing at sports too, coz they were too tired and unmotivated to continue.
and then one day after I brought my girls back from school, and as we sat to eat dinner. My youngest looked at me and said: “Mommy, do you know what will make me really happy?” I said: “what honey?”,
she said: “seeing you happy and spending time with you as we used to in Germany”.
It hit me like a bucket of ice-cold water. I swear sometimes it’s so funny how the universe sends you messages.
A Message from the Universe
I realized then that I drove myself to burnout and that there is no right way to doing things.
Not caring for my self meant not really caring for my kids. I wasn’t the right role model at the time. I was always frustrated, always sad, always screaming at them and I hated myself for it.
Mothers always think that motherhood means providing everything for our kids and forgetting about ourselves.
Although the reality is, that parenting is easy. Parenting is providing your kids with love, support, and care. Believe me, that’s all they need
It really is nothing fancy. The best school in the world isn’t important, nor being a sports champion, nor being the best student.
what matters is raising kind-hearted, giving kids who are self-confident and brave to venture through everyday challenges.
And to provide that for your kids, we have to first provide it for ourselves.
Coz YES they are kids and they need care. But they have you, their father and their grandparents to care for them. But if you didn’t care for yourself, no one else will do that for you and you won’t be able to care for others.
Take action
So this is what I want you to do today. I want you to stop for a second and promise yourself that you will start caring for yourself. and that you will dedicate time for yourself every single day.
You will not feel guilty about taking time for yourself and you won’t rely on someone else to see how tired you are and pamper you. you are strong and you should be responsible for your own happiness.
Take Control of your life and create a life you love
If you want to know how to take care of yourself and set yourself for success you can read all about it in my 7 must-have Self-care habits post or read Take Time for Your Life by Cheryl Richardson.
love, Ola
