How to protect children from sexual predators?
Sexual harassment is a problem that has been facing the whole world for a very long time, yet in Egypt, we don’t get the proper sexual education nor awareness that helps us stay away from sexual predators, abusers, and harassers
As a parent, I know how it makes us live in fear. Fearing that our kids might go through those situations and we won’t even be there to help them or protect them. We try to talk to them, try to make them understand but where do we start and how can we bring it up without making them fear the world they are living in. Without losing their innocence.
Am i giving my kid the permission to have sex if i start educate them about sex?
We tend to find this topic taboo and we find it so embarrassing to talk to them about it that we fear that if we talk about it we might be giving our kids ideas and giving them permission to have sex. which is a huge misconception.
With today’s globalization and phones in every child’s hand, kids are exposed to far more than we know of, so we need to understand how important it is to talk to them about it so that they have the right knowledge about it.
Having an open conversation about sex, harassment, and modeling good relationships is key here so that we can protect our kids and remember we are not giving our kids permission to have sex or putting ideas in their heads, we are just lifting misconceptions and modeling open communication that will keep your child strong confident and away from harm’s way.
Ok So How can we do that?
Model To your kid the right way to be loved
Model to them what to expect in a good relationship/ in a real loving relationship. Ask them how would they like to be treated?
Treat them in the way that you would like them to be treated. Respect them, listen to them, and don’t try to control them.
Talk to your child as if they are already the trusted, responsible person you want them to grow into.
Stop the language of shame and blame
We sometimes tend to shame our kids and blame them for our bad days. and while you have good intentions and you feel that by shaming them you’re actually making them feel bad about the behavior.
You are actually labeling them, giving them the feeling that they are what they are labeled by. they lose motivation and they stop trying.
and worst of all instead of feeling bad about their behavior they feel bad and disgusted by their person and they grow not to love themselves.
And because we all have a love tank that needs filling, when we don’t love ourselves we become incapable of filling our own tank and start searching for anyone to fill it for us. Thus giving opportunities to harassers to take advantage.
Instead use affirming, trusting sentences Like “I trust that you’ll do the right thing”, what do you think the right thing to do is. How do you think you’ll act the next time you are in the situation?
Stop talking about your kids faults, mistakes and weaknesses
Tell good stories about your kids, don’t share their embarrassing stories don’t share their dirty laundry because as you think it’s cute and funny they feel that you betrayed their trust and they will think twice before telling you anything.
When you know something embarrassing about your child, something that might seem funny to you but might embarrass them. Talk to your kid about it. See how they feel?
Be their safe place
Always reassure them they can come to you with anything anytime. Tell them that they can come to you anytime and ask to speak to you in private.. try to make them feel important by excusing yourself to see what they need to say. If that isn’t possible because you are very busy, then ask them to write or draw how they feel and tell them that you’ll discuss it at bedtime.
Teach your kid these two techniques of communication as early as possible
1-The Thumbs up, Thumbs down
It’s more like teaching you kid sign language, start by always pointing to good people or good behavior with a thumbs up.
Help them learn to connect to their emotions and communicate it with you by asking them before going into any place. Is this a thumbs up or a thumbs down place and ask them to answer back with a thumbs up or a thumbs down.
Respect how they feel so if they say that it’s a thumbs down then ask them what will make it a thumbs up place. This will give you the ability to understand the reason behind how they feel.
If you don’t agree with them. then explain to them why you think it is a good place?
This creates an open communication channel very early on and makes your child believe in their own decisions and feel that they can talk to you, even when they are too young to really express their feelings
2- The Uh- Oh feeling
If your kid can’t talk yet, find situations that might be tricky to understand, like crossing over a step, where they might trip or fall and express it by putting your hand on your tummy and saying Uh-Oh.
It’s an easy sound that they might catch very early on and still can teach them that there are sometimes where they need you to help them make the decision by allowing them first to highlight the tricky situation
Use the Uh-Oh sound also for kids 4-7 when you watch a movie or read a story together and there is a person in the movie who is pretending to be a good person but you know he isn’t and that introduces them to the idea that not all bad people look evil. sometimes people can look good yet have bad intentions.
So how do you help your child recognise the Uh-Oh feeling?
Let your child know that our body is a great creation and we have to listen to it. If we feel unsafe our body lets us know
- my hair feels like it’s standing
- I feel like I want to cry
- I get goosebumps
- Sweaty Palms
- I feel like I need to go to the toilet
- I feel like I need to go to the toilet
- I want my mom
- Quick heartbeats
- Feels sick in the tummy
- Shaky all over
- Wobbly jiggly legs
Teach your children that their bodies speak to them and if they have any of those feelings that’s their body letting them know that they are in a tricky situation and that they need to tell a trusted adult about it.
Happy Parenting
With Love, Ola Amin
