5 steps to eliminate Mom Tantrums

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Have you ever found yourself in a situation where you’re crying in bed while stress-eating a big tub of French Fries because you’ve just screamed your heart out at your kids and totally lost your temper? Well, that my friend is the after-effects of Mommy tantrums.

I want to assure you that you are not a bad mother and no, you’re not alone.

I’ve been there too and to tell you the truth, the feeling the next day isn’t better either. You feel like you’ve failed as a mother and you hate yourself for it and the guilt starts eating you.

well, I’m here to tell you how I got myself out of it and became a calmer mother.

Why do we get those tantrums?

We all have kids that sometimes drive us crazy. Whether by complaining and having tantrums because the bed sheet is too cold. Or when the word “Mommy” becomes a never-ending repeating song, and those are the days when I wonder what am I doing?…

I’ve always loved kids even as I child, all I wanted to do was either play “Mother” or babysit for friends and family.

But to tell you the truth raising kids can sometimes be really hard. It’s not so far ago, that we were children ourselves, right!. and unfortunately, kids don’t come with a manual like the one that came with our baby born doll.

Life sometimes hits you in the face, and you think: “ who said I’m grownup enough to be responsible for someone else”. I’m barely doing good on my own. How did life become so hard” and then a phase of self-pity and frustration begins.

and when self-pity and frustration hits; that’s when the worst happens and we lose our control and become the ones having tantrums instead of the kids.

YES, we are all new to this. We are just learning it as we go, hoping to do the best job we can while hoping not to do any parenting mistakes that can harm our kids emotionally.

1 )”Create a fire drill”

Think of it as a fire-drill. There is always a plan to get you out of a burning building safe, some steps you can do, right! 

Yes, I know! you’re thinking: “Ola, isn’t that just extreme, saying that your kid’s tantrums and problems are like you’re trapped in a burning building?”.

Well, yes for any mother sometimes the stress she faces when there is a huge tantrum or a big problem; is like a feeling of entrapment. You don’t know where to go or what to do and everything starts to blur and all your emotions go “Koo-Koo”.

But I want you to remember that being calm at these moments, is the best thing you can do for them.

Just like a mother Whale has to push her baby to the surface to take his breath. Our kids need us to be calm so they can learn to be calm; to become better at solving their problems and regulating their emotions.

so after having the biggest tantrum of my own, I stopped and said no more. I need you to do the same…

Before I continue with the 4 things that will help you be a calmer mother, and help you eliminate your tantrums.

Take action and stop reading right now, go look at the mirror and repeat the following:

I am a good mother
I am my kids support system
I am here for them no matter what
I am a calm, loving mom
I am their safe place

Better yet write those affirmations or any other affirmations that make you feel empowered in a journal. Read them every day out loud to yourself as soon as you wake up.

and now that you’ve done that I’ll share with you the 4 things that made me a calmer better mom 

2) STOP

First I get away from my kids; I go into my room and close the door. Or I go into the bathroom and wash my face with cold water. Then I stop and breath.

Yes, you heard me right. It’s that one easy thing that helps me regulate my heartbeat and calms me down.

Focus on your breathing for just 10 seconds  then remember your affirmations 

I am a good mother
I am my kids support system
I am here for them no matter what
I am a calm, loving mom
I am their safe place

after just those 10 seconds, believe me, you’ll have a different approach on things and you’ll know how to handle the situation in a much calmer way

3) “Let it Be”

Know that if you can’t make things better. You’re too tired or just can’t handle all the stress you’ve been going through all day.

Just know that it’s ok to let it be. Even if it’s a big exam tomorrow and your kid is driving you crazy. Know that nothing will happen if he didn’t get a good grade, but the damage will be worse if you snapped at him.

He will get a bad grade AND he’ll be traumatized

so just know that if it’s too much for you right now, it’s ok to let it be 

4) “Take a break “

Don’t forget to schedule breaks into your day. If things get too hard just go take a 5-minute shower or take a walk. Or nap for 20 minutes.

just take a break to give you a boost of energy and let you calm down.

At the end of the day. Know that you are the heart of your home and just as your kids’ smiles are like little rays of sunshine. For your kids and your husband; your calm, happy, optimistic self is the entire home’s sun.

You are the queen of the home so don’t forget that. Take care of your self so you can take care of them. Take breaks and enjoy their existence. 

5) “Self-care”

Sometimes when we get blessed with the gift of motherhood, we get into the habit of prioritizing our family needs over ours, I know that has been the case for me too for the last 8 years.

Last year I’ve learned that taking care of yourself, makes you a better mom and not a selfish mom. if you think that caring for yourself first makes you a better mom, then read my post; Is self-care important or am I being a selfish mom.

so take care of yourself so that you don’t feel overwhelmed with them. The first thing to do to be the best parent you can be is to be well-rested and to care for yourself. Read how to start a self-care routine to learn more. You can also read the book “The Self-Care Solution” by Julie Burton.

Remember that the calmer you are, the happier more calm your home is.

finally, don’t forget to tell me how you handle your tantrums in the comments

love, Ola